Extra! Extra! A.S.S. Returns!

Enough with the dog lovers!

I know I’ve been away a long time. Perhaps I’m not quite as angry as I used to be because it’s been a LONG time since I’ve felt compelled to write about anything. The Girl Who Tolerates A.S.S. may finally be taming me. That aside, I read a story this morning that particularly irked me. Apparently Jake Coyle (sorry I couldn’t find a picture of the shmuck for tomato throwing) from the Associated Press was so distraught by a dog getting turned into a zombie in “I am Legend” that he felt compelled to inform the public by way of a “letter to Hollywood”. Now, I have not seen this particular movie but I have seen plenty where the dog survives impending doom and I find it ridiculous. In Anchorman a dog jumps off a bridge and magically appears in the last scene. In “Armageddon” a meteor crushes a Samoan giant. Who survives? The Dog standing next to him! In Independence Day Harry Connick Jr gets blown out of the sky, millions of people die, but a dog manages to run faster than a fireball AND leap out of its way. Give me a break! It's retarded that people value animals more than humans. Call me an evil bastard but I like it when the dog dies! I am so sick of the American Public’s obsession with their dogs. Now don’t get me wrong. I like a nice lab as much as the next guy but there comes a point where enough is enough. Perhaps you remember a few months ago people were ready to lynch Michael Vick over the dog fighting incident. People were calling for his lifetime suspension from the NFL. No one here is saying that his actions weren't horrible but IT’S STILL ONLY A DOG. Ray Lewis of the Baltimore Ravens entered plea deal to avoid murder charges! This was murder of a person and I did not hear one person talk of “lifetime” suspension.



To the makers of Rambo, Vacation, Fear, Turner & Hootch, American Psyco, Toxic Avenger, A Fish Called Wanda, The Fly 2, Haloween, Mars Attacks, and any other movie where Fluffy fetches a grenade …… A.S.S. salutes you for keeping it real!

I’ll park where I want!


There is a new trend growing in shopping malls and supermarkets all across the country and it’s pissing me off!



I have something to say to store owners who have these signs in their lots. I don’t observe your little marketing ploy! Go Fuck Yourself! I’ll park where I damn well please! I don’t see a “32 year old guy who doesn’t feel like fucking walking 2 miles to get a loaf of bread” sign! Why the hell do parents get a pass on the musical cars game? If it’s such a freaking burden lugging your children around leave them home! No one wants to be near your little germ infested disease carriers anyway.

A James Blunt follow up.



If you remember, last year I wrote a a guest post on my best friend's blog about why James Blunt Sucks. I took a little flack about this from The Girl Who Tolerates A.S.S. because she happens to be a Blunt fan. The other day we were in a store and there was some music on in the background that she caught me slightly bopping my head to. She said “You like this?” I said “It’s ok.” She said “Do you know who this is?” I said “Carly Simon?” She said “No! James Blunt!” In my previous post, part of my argument was that he sounds like a woman. I rest my case!